Welcomes French Greeting Customs: La Bise and Beyond
French Greeting Customs: La Bise and Beyond
French greeting rituals are among the most codified and regionally variable in the world. The simple act of saying hello in France involves a complex calculus of relationship proximity, regional custom, gender, age, and context that French people navigate instinctively but that visitors often find bewildering. Understanding these customs is not just about avoiding embarrassment — it is about accessing the warmth and connection that French social life offers beneath its formal exterior.
La Bise: The Cheek Kiss
La bise — the practice of touching cheeks and making a kissing sound — is the most iconic French greeting and the one that causes the most confusion for foreigners. It is not actually a kiss on the cheek but a touching of cheeks accompanied by a kissing sound made into the air.
Who does la bise? Women greet other women and men with la bise in social settings. Men greet women with la bise. Men greeting other men varies: close friends and family may do la bise, while acquaintances and professional contacts typically shake hands. Younger generations and Parisians are increasingly flexible about these norms.
How many? This is where regional variation becomes almost comical. Paris standard: two (one on each cheek, starting from the right). Provence and much of southern France: three. Parts of Brittany and the Loire: four. The Herault department near Montpellier: sometimes just one. When greeting someone from a different region, follow their lead on number rather than insisting on your regional custom.
When to skip la bise: In professional settings between people who do not know each other (handshake instead), when someone is visibly ill, in very formal contexts, or when someone extends a hand first (accept the handshake). Post-pandemic, some French people have shifted toward less physical greetings, though la bise has largely returned.
The Handshake
The French handshake is firm, brief, and accompanied by eye contact. In professional settings, handshakes happen at arrival and departure with every person in the room individually. Skipping someone is a noticeable snub.
In a business meeting, shake hands with each person when entering and again when leaving. This can feel time-consuming with large groups, but the French consider it a mark of respect. Failing to greet everyone individually communicates disregard.
Verbal Greetings
Bonjour (good day) is the universal greeting from morning until early evening. Not saying bonjour when entering a small shop, a waiting room, or any enclosed public space where people are present is considered genuinely rude. It is not optional. When you walk into a bakery, say bonjour before ordering. When you enter an elevator with someone, say bonjour. When a shopkeeper greets you, respond before browsing.
Bonsoir (good evening) replaces bonjour around 6 PM, though the transition time varies and some people switch as early as 5 PM.
Salut is the informal equivalent, used between friends and younger people. It works for both hello and goodbye.
Au revoir (goodbye) is standard and polite. Bonne journee (have a good day) or bonne soiree (have a good evening) adds warmth to a departure.
Tu vs. Vous
The distinction between the informal tu and the formal vous shapes every French interaction. Use vous with strangers, elders, professional contacts, and anyone you are not certain would welcome informality. Use tu with friends, family, children, and peers who have explicitly suggested tutoiement.
When in doubt, start with vous. A French person will tell you when to switch. Defaulting to tu with someone who expects vous is a social error; defaulting to vous with someone who expects tu is merely overly formal and easily corrected.
Hosting and Receiving in France
If invited to a French home for dinner, bring a gift: wine, flowers (avoid chrysanthemums, which are associated with funerals), or chocolates. Arrive 10 to 15 minutes after the stated time. Arriving exactly on time is considered slightly eager.
At the table, keep your hands visible (wrists on the table edge, not in your lap). Begin eating only when the host says bon appetit or begins eating themselves. Compliment the food specifically. Leave a small amount on your plate to indicate satisfaction rather than finishing every bite (though this norm is less rigid than it once was).